Target Practice
by iilaiia
Summary: Nothing ever matters quite as much as a father's approval, hence the reverse must be just as painful
1. Perfect Aim

MASSIVE DISCLAIMER: I got the idea, really the whole opening scene from another fanfic I read some time ago. To the author of that story, I mean no offensive nor do I wish to steal any of your credit. I have taken the fic in a completely different direction and while I did get the idea from that story, mine is quite different. If that author has any type of problems or feels uncomfortable with this story being posted in addition to theirs, please tell me and I will remove it from this archive. Again, no copyright infringement is intended towards either JRR Tolkin or the original author. Now, onward to angst and um. adventure, okay really just angst  
  
Target Practice  
  
Chapter 1 - Perfect Aim  
  
The arrows flew with deathly accuracy towards Estel. Although he had been well prepared for this eventuality now that it was actually occurring he felt cold fear tighten in his stomach. Trying to remember everything that his brothers had taught him, he moved. His sword cut through the first arrow then he bent his whole body in supreme effort to avoid the second at the same time completely forgetting about the third arrow in flight. However, not a moment too soon, a flash of light blinded Estel as Elladan deflected the last arrow. Estel regained his normal stance and studied his brother beside him. Elladan sheathed his white sword and nodded across the way to Elrohir.  
  
"Well done, little brother, well done. There are few indeed who could avoid one of Elrohir's shots, let alone two." Elladan was smiling brightly.  
  
Estel began to shake his head. "I should have deflected all three, I moved too slow."  
  
Elrohir's voice rang out now, clear and true as he nimbly bounded his way towards them. "You will learn in time, you are still young yet, dear Estel."  
  
Estel sighed and held back a wince of pain. He didn't want to mention that he hadn't actually entirely avoided the second arrow. It was bad enough that he had completely missed the third.  
  
Elladan noticed his hesitation. "Would you like to try again?"  
  
Before Estel could respond a voice, raw with fury, cut him off. "Absolutely not!" Elrond stood before them, positively radiating angry. He studied them for a moment as if trying to find a reason for the madness he beheld and when he could not he found his voice once again. "Explain yourselves now."  
  
The twins remained silent, fearful in the face of their father's anger. Sighing softly to himself and trying to ease the sudden tension, Elrohir murmured, "I knew we should have gone farther away."  
  
It did not have the desired affect. Elrond spun on the twin with all the wild fury of a wolf. "You think this is funny? You think this is a game?"  
  
Jumping now to his brother's defense, Elladan spoke up. "It was a training exercise. One I would like to point out, both Elrohir and myself have been through." Elladan's words were strong but even he was having problems meeting his father's stormy eyes. "I am in charge of Estel's training am I not?"  
  
Elrond pulled Estel away from where he stood with the twins and made to walk away. "No longer."  
  
Elladan's own anger rose fast. "You can't do that!"  
  
Elrond spun back suddenly, face to face with his son. Their collective fury crackled and sparked between them. "I can and I will. You were firing arrows at him, have you taken leave of your senses?"  
  
Elrohir spoke up now, trying again to tone down the levels of heated rage that was enveloping his father and brother. Or at least to share the blame. "I was the one-"  
  
Still his twin cut him off, not even aware he had spoken. "It was safe!" Elladan's voice rang out loudly now. "I was there to protect him should his concentration lapse."  
  
Estel shuttered at these words. Oh please let him have not noticed, oh please oh please.  
  
"Safe!?" Elrond's voice too had risen in volume. In fact, it was the most upset Estel could remember seeing him. "You call this safe? Look at his arm and then you tell me he was safe."  
  
Estel closed his eyes and exhaled. Of course Elrond had noticed, he ALWAYS noticed when he failed.  
  
Elrohir inhaled sharply, causing Elladan to shoot a look of concern his way. He saw his twin's face lit up with fear and apprehension. Elladan then refocused his attention on Estel, now dreading the words Elrond had spoken and saw the telltale blood dripping steadily down his little brother's arm. Bitter shame overtook him and he realized that all of his father's anger was completely justified. He bowed his head, sensing but not seeing his twin drop his bow. Shock settled upon them both.  
  
"I thought I could-"  
  
"You were wrong Elladan. What if he hadn't avoided it at all? Then he would now lay dead all because of your arrogance!" Elrond's words stung at the twin's hearts. It was true then, how closely they had come to killing Estel.  
  
"I'm sorry." It was all Elladan could think to do. The pain welled up inside of him, cutting its way through his body, twisting his thoughts as he tried to make sense of this new terrible truth. "I was trying to keep him from harm."  
  
"That's your answer? You almost killed your own brother and you are justifying your stupidity to me?"  
  
Elladan, however along with his grief, had not yet let go of his anger. "What else would you have me do? Estel must know how to defend himself. Orc arrows fly just as straight."  
  
Elrond snarled. "I will take over his training as you clearly are not fit to continue it."  
  
Terrible rage flew through Elladan now eradicating any type of rationality he may have had. "And you are? As I recall 'twas you that trained mother and look how that turned out!"  
  
Elrond stuck him so hard and so fast that for a moment no one could fully understand what had happened. Then time froze. Elladan stood still, his head turned from the force of the blow, daring not even to breath. Elrond too could not move, struggling to comprehend what he had just done. Never before had he hit one of his own children. Never in anger, never at all, until this day.  
  
He reached forward to touch Elladan's face, to see how badly he had hurt him but Elladan flinched away, a mix of fear and shame played on his features. Elrohir came up beside his twin craning his neck to meet his brother's eyes. Holding their connection he spoke to their father in a quiet voice.  
  
"Perhaps you should tend to Estel's wound. I will stay with Elladan."  
  
Elrond looked down at Estel who's blood still colored the ground. "Come with me." Together they walked back toward the towers of Rivendell. Estel looked back over his shoulder and caught the mournful gaze of his twin brothers. The only difference between them now was a bright red mark on the side of Elladan's face.  
  
******************************  
  
It had been some while now since Elrond had left and Elladan still refused to speak. Elrohir had been waiting for some time, trying to let Elladan find his own way to put into words how he felt but Elrohir was losing his patience, which was not a trait he was known for to begin with. Finally not able to stand the silence anymore, Elrohir approached his twin and tried to look in his eyes. Elladan would not let him. Now thoroughly frustrated, he reached for his brother's face and found his arm caught in a tight hold. The two twins stood immobile for a short time, Elladan fighting for control and Elrohir growing more upset watching his twin's distress. This had to end. Elrohir pulled his arm out of Elladan's hold and backed away.  
  
"I didn't mean to-" Elladan stuttered, unsure and nervous. Elrohir had backed away so quickly.  
  
"It's alright, I know why you did." Elrohir was just simply pleased that his brother was speaking at all. He dropped his voice. "Does it hurt you?"  
  
Elladan tilted his head, the confusion apparent on his face once again. He shook his head fractionally, and turned away.  
  
"Elladan, look at me."  
  
Elladan stood still with his back to Elrohir. His shoulders started to shake, rhythmically at first then more and more violently. Elrohir gripped him from behind, holding on tightly, trying to ease his suffering. This was killing them both.  
  
In a broken voice, Elladan murmured, "I'm so sorry. Oh what have I done? I'm sorry."  
  
His words cut Elrohir deeper than any blade could. He felt raw fear digging itself into his chest. It became more difficult to breath, each intake was such a terrible effort. "It wasn't you."  
  
Elladan's sobs were lessening and he started turning his attention to his twin as his suffering lighted slightly. "It wasn't- what are you talking about?" His eyes were bright red with tears, mirroring the sharp mark still emblazed on his face.  
  
"I'm to blame. I tried to say it before but I couldn't get through. I was the one who deserved to be-"  
  
"No." Elladan's voice was sharp, more so then he had intended and at the look of alarm on his brother's face, he made a great effort to calm down. Forcing his voice to a normal level he continued. "No, Elrohir. Father was right. It was my duty to keep Estel safe and in that I failed. No blame rests with you." His eyes grew determined if still haunted.  
  
"It was I that fired the arrows. I agreed to the exercise." Elrohir would not let go his guilt, his grief held him so tightly now that no words of reason would get in. Not even from his twin whom he trusted like no other.  
  
"I was in charge. I thought it was safe when it was not." Elladan's eyes grew fiery with anguish. "And my face still burns with the truth of it."  
  
Elrohir meet his twin's feverish eyes with his own, in silent agreement except for one detail. Without a word he suddenly dashed off, toward the glimmering Elven refuge. Elladan gave chase fearing the truth, trying to reject it even though he could see the decision was already made. He could sense it in Elrohir with every fiber of his being, he would have known of it in the pitch black a thousand miles away. Elrohir was going to try to take the blame off his brother's shoulders and on to his own. 


	2. Illumination

Okaies, so this took a long time. Sorry about that. It was a very difficult ending to write. The updates for Estelless and Peaceful Ruin are close behind. My muse has sprung and reawaken the writer within me.  
  
Target Practice  
  
Chapter 2 - Illumination  
  
Elrond and Estel had made it back to Imladris without further incident. Which was to itself nothing short of miraculous due to Estel's guilt and fear and Elrond's own growing self-hatred. Elrond quickly lead Estel inside and while tending to his arm suddenly realized that it hadn't been just Elladan that he had harmed. Estel was trembling. He gently cupped his small face in his hands and turned his head.  
  
"Estel. I would try to explain to you what I have done and my reasons except that I can't even comprehend them myself." Elrond paused as Estel's eyes finally met his. "Can you forgive me?" He tightened the bandage around his arm, causing his youngest son to wince slightly.  
  
Estel pulled out of his grasp, eyes now downcast on the floor. "You should not be asking me." With those quiet words he turned and ran out of the room. Elrond stood quickly aiming to follow except he practically bumped into his eldest in the hallway.  
  
They faced each other without speech until Elrond tore his gaze away from the ugly bruise coloring Elladan's face. "Estel was troubled, he ran off just now."  
  
Elladan nodded rather absently. "Yes, he is safe."  
  
They both let the silence stretch on. Eventually the two walked back into Elrond's study and the great lord of Imladris closed the door behind them. Then they stood in silence again. Both waiting for the other to speak, to say something to break the oppressive silence but they could not find the words. Elrond hung back, afraid to approach his own child now, his back up against the heavy wood door. Elladan paced slowly between the two glowing windows at the other side of the room.  
  
The silence grew between them, cold and unnatural. Elladan's pacing began more pronounced as Elrond watched. His body was rigid and his anxiety obvious even in the dim light of the musty room. Elrond's breathing was becoming more and more difficult with ever pain-filled step his son would take. This had to stop.  
  
"Elladan." His son froze in place, automatically looking up at his name then instantly returning his line of sight to the floor. He stopped his pacing, the light from the window flowing down his shoulders.  
  
"Elladan, I'm sorry." The second he said he knew it had been a mistake. Forgiveness wasn't so easily won.  
  
Elladan shut his eyes tightly as if the words were splinters in his face. He simply didn't know how to react, his mind was spinning. His father had stuck him. It was so extreme an act that he couldn't see a way past it. The pure hatred he had seen, had felt, streaming through his father like a waterfall all pouring out at him was the single most frightening emotion he had ever witnessed.  
  
They had lost Celebrain to the sadism of the orcs but their bloodlust was nothing compared to the naked horror he had seen today Elrond's eyes. That haunted look, the fear behind the blow, it crippled him to know that his father had been in such pain for so long. Unchecked, unanswered despair.  
  
Very softly, almost talking to himself, Elladan finally spoke. "How do you- " He stopped short, as if suddenly aware he was speaking.  
  
Elrond crept closer. "How do I what?"  
  
Tears glittered in Elladan's eyes, "face each day? How do you looked at us and not seen her?"  
  
Guilt hit Elrond like a physical blow. He was reduced to whispering, each breath seemed so difficult. The air grew thick. "I always do. I see her in the sunlight, in the spring rain and in your eyes." He gently took his son's face in his hands and amazed that Elladan did not flinch away. "But I swear to you, Elladan, her radiance is one of your more rare and powerful strengths." Elrond brushed a tear from Elladan's healing cheek. "You were always so much stronger than I." His vision shifted to just over Elladan's shoulder. "You all are."  
  
Elladan turned and saw Elrohir and Estel standing in the doorway. Elrohir moved to stand beside his twin as Elrond released him and watched Estel approach their father.  
  
Estel's voice was gentle, sorrowful but not desperate. "I only wish that I could have met her. One day perhaps I will travel with you and my brothers, see the undying lands and finally meet her." His voice had taken a hopeful twist, his eyes bright with the future. The twins both smiled at the thought and nodded their consent.  
  
"Perhaps." Elrond's faced was impassive but beneath that his despair crept upon again. The power of foresight was a terrible thing.  
  
"Is that why you are so angry?" Estel's straightforwardness was often off- putting but his honesty was disarming.  
  
"Come here, all of you." Elrond knelt before them as they approached. Elladan shook his head and went to lift him to his feet but Elrohir stopped him. His twin fixed him with a stare, desperate now for Elladan to believe that he deserved this apology. Elrond began to speak, his voice steady but emotional. "I'm not angry. It's something else, there's something happening to the world and it's affecting me. I'm not yet sure what it is, but I never meant to hurt you my son, and for that, I am deeply sorry. I wish I could take back the moment but there is no one who can manipulate time." He paused, trying to swallow down his grief and felt a hand on his shoulder.  
  
Elrohir was smiling slightly watching his youngest brother first grip his father's shoulder then collapse into his embrace. When Estel and Elrond separated, Elladan pulled Elrond to his feet. They bore into each other's gaze, each searching for an emotion in the other then settled back into a comfortable silence. Elladan saw no fear or hate in his father's eyes anymore. He pressed his forehead to his father's. "I wish I could have saved her."  
  
Elrond gripped his shoulders. "It wasn't your fault. I never held you at - "  
  
Elladan cut him off. "I know. I know you never faulted me and I don't blame myself now. I just never realized what it meant that she left and you stayed." He locked eyes with his twin, with Estel then back with Elrond. "But now I do. And I love you all the more for it."  
  
Elrond was smiling while crying at the same time. His emotional release was as passionate as it was beautiful. The family swept into another tight embrace and as they held together, the sunlight streamed into the room and played against their faces. The beams were as soft memories of pleasant times and sweet remembrances of past loves long buried but never forgotten. 


End file.
